by Danielle Wright
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“Why do we get stuck with old maid and spinster and men get to be bachelors and playboys?” – Miranda Hobbs, Sex and the City: Sn 5
Ah, the double standards of it all. Do we ever really wonder if a single dad ‘likes us’? The truth is, probably not. Most single dads do not have their children full-time and the ones who do, we have an article on that here. Feel free to check it out. For the average single mom, she isn’t looking to get back on the dating scene right away, unless your name is one Kim Kardashian who on an episode of The Kardashians, the exuberant reality star mentioned her interest in Pete Davidson because of his BDE (Big Dick Energy). At this moment we learned that as a single mom, recently divorced, her goal was not a relationship but more like, a fling. As Holistic Therapist, Megan Sherer puts it, “Rebound relationships are often referred to as palette cleansers for good reason – they help us remember that there are other “flavors” out there, so to speak than the person we’ve just broken up with. While it can be a fun reminder of the plenty of fish in the sea adage, they often aren’t built to last.”
What’s the Takeaway? How long has your new interest been single? If she’s a single mom who is recently divorced or otherwise, it is a good idea to take things slow so you don’t end up being just a rebound or an unintentional fling.
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Now that you’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s a good idea to begin filling up her calendar. Most single moms are very busy—whether with work or their children. If a single mom likes you, however, she will spend most of her free time getting to know you. During this time you want to make the conversation interesting and don’t send off any boring replies, make her feel wanted, and let her know your intentions.
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Single moms who are interested in a serious relationship are not looking to have their time wasted. More importantly, she is not in a rush to settle down. She can no longer just think about herself, she has to think about her children as well. Knowing whether or not you can be a good father figure is equally as important as whether or not you’ll make a good boyfriend/husband. This is even more prevalent for single mothers with more than one child who does not share the same biological father. Her goal is to not repeat past mistakes.
According to Lifestyle Divorce Coach, Dawn Burnett, “When the same relationship pitfalls of the past keep showing up you are medicating with a rebound relationship. It’s important to realize that you can’t give away what you first don’t have yourself, love. So, take the time to do the inner work and feel complete within yourself before taking on a new relationship, as we attract a reflection of what we are internally.” We couldn’t agree more. Some single mothers are afraid to be alone, and thus will immediately give off the impression that they are in love or ready to date and settle down. This can lead to toxic love and a tumultuous relationship.
What’s the Takeaway? If a single mom likes you she will have no problem allowing you to fill her free time. She will solo-date you for a while and if her interest is high, she will start to bring the kids around you more. That’s when she starts to know if you’re “step-father” worthy. Most single mothers are not looking for you to take care of their kids, just to know that you are available if they ever need that father figure they are not getting from their biological father.
Related articles: What Do Guys Think About Dating a Single Mom?
If you want to make a lasting impression, suggest activities that involve the children. If there’s a carnival in town, schedule a date at the carnival and ask her to bring the children along. Although things are going at her pace, it will bring her comfort in knowing that you are open to doing things that involve her children. You aren’t running away from that level of responsibility. This ties in with understanding her schedule and her priorities. The children are the priority and sometimes things will need to be changed, canceled, or moved around. In cases like this, it is only smart that you find ways to include her and the kids.
What’s the Takeaway? Most single moms who are not just looking for a rebound will appreciate the aforementioned efforts. Importantly enough that she will also look into finding ways to include you as part of her family. Maybe she invites you over for dinner or movie night. These are some small gestures to show you she is interested and wants to move forward.
To keep things moving in a positive direction, you should support her parenting without stepping on her toes. Although it can be challenging as time goes on to not express your thoughts and opinions about how she raises her children, do your best to try and not interfere. This can be even more challenging if you’re a single dad and have a particular standard for how to raise your children. Regardless though, it is not your place.
Enjoy the time you spend together, be sure to not rush into anything too soon. Give yourselves time to enjoy each other, grow and then build from there.
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