by Venus Sanders
“I’m really boring, man. Like, I’m really dull. And I think people may think that I have this glamorous, fun lifestyle, but it’s pretty dull. But that’s what I like.” – Harry Connick
It can happen to the best of us, sometimes, we meet the perfect guy or gal and they’re just…boring. But what does it mean to be boring and can this actually be a good thing? Boring includes people who rarely have anything positive to say, or anything to say at all. At times they may ramble on and on about themselves or some people simply have nothing to say…a lot. Things can get rather redundant, and a person can quickly lose interest if the person they’re dating can’t do much more than utter two words or have a healthy debate.
Being boring isn’t about being shy or indifferent. A boring person may be quite intelligent but are simply not interested in conversations. We know, this can be frustrating. He never engages with you whenever you want to have a deep conversation, making it feel almost impossible to build a real connection. In cases like this, it is always best to tell the person how you feel. When you do this, you show that you have respect for him and yourself. You want a relationship that is built on respect and this should be established from the beginning.
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According to New York State & Florida Licensed Psychotherapist, Laurel Steinberg, Ph.D., “Respect in a relationship happens when appropriate regard for a partner’s emotions, preferences, and culture is properly demonstrated.” Whether you’re only dating this person or have been together for years, talking to them about this is a form of healthy communication.
On the contrary, maybe this person is a cynic. Yes, a pessimistic person can bring us down and is considered boring to be around. No one can be more boring than someone who complains constantly and ultimately just lacks any real depth. Additionally, he could be discussing topics that you may be unfamiliar with or trying to be funny, if he’s not funny. You want a potential partner who does not give you one-word answers and is open to doing more than just sitting at a bar and having a few cocktails. Maybe go window shopping and try on a few glasses or venture out to an amusement park and go on a few rides. You can even see a comedy show together. What is most important is that you’re dating someone open to trying new things along with you. You may not have everything in common, but a boring guy who isn’t interested in changing some things up and taking on new adventures may not be the right person for you.
One user wrote, “So I’ve known this guy for a few years now and he has liked me ever since. I had given him a chance twice before but I never really told him I liked him because he was genuinely just so boring during the getting-to-know stage. But then a few months back, he started messaging me again and it was going good and I thought maybe I just didn’t give him a chance to express himself.
But my goodness, right now? We have been dating for 2 months and both of us have already told our feelings to one another but I just genuinely feel so bored with him. I’ve ghosted him twice already before and he’s truly a good and nice guy.” This is a clear example of a lack of respect for her boundaries.
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“It’s very possible that he doesn’t understand the boundaries that have been set. Women often tend to hint about their wants and needs, rather than asking directly. Men respond better to direct requests. He has to understand what you want to fulfill it. If you have not made your boundaries clear and he continues to disrespect or ignore them, then it is clear he does not respect you.” Tina B. Tessina, PhD told us. In this instance, this is not a nice guy. He is boring and has no regard for your feelings.
If you’re dating a boring guy and have been vocal in asking that he make some changes to meet you halfway and these requests are ignored, then it is time to end things. Do not beat around the bush, as Tina mentioned, you have to be firm and direct. Allow him to find someone who will make him happy and you do the same.
But then we have another type of boring…yes, the homebodies. Homebody: a person who likes to stay at home, especially one who is perceived as unadventurous. I like this definition because it uses the term, perceived. Perception is not always reality. Some people just enjoy being home and don’t care too much about going out constantly and spending money unnecessarily. So maybe your partner isn’t boring, maybe he’s frugal or maybe he prefers dates here and there that are truly meaningful. This is another perspective to consider. But a way to find out is to pitch the idea of doing something cost-effective—a hike or maybe a picnic at the park. If he makes the effort to accompany you on these things and he’s a good conversationalist, then he isn’t boring, but maybe just saving towards a goal. Be sure to ask him.
What next? Realize the person is nice, but dating can increase anxiety. Just don’t take it personally and if you decide to move on and find someone new, then stick to that and be firm in your decision.
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