by Rosie G.
“To the world, you are a mother, but to your family, you are the world.”
When we embark on the journey to motherhood we’re catapulted into this relatively unknown universe, almost leaving us depleted of our energy and glow. Anything can happen and we have to find a solution.
The best way to be a successful mother is to always be a student, have a community, and practice a bit of selfishness. There is no amount of information too big or too small, everything serves a purpose, whether it’s for your children or someone else’s.
The term successful is rather subjective. Some women want to be a successful mother in that she raises amazing, kind-hearted human beings. Children who get good grades and are emotionally intelligent…diligent—a valuable contribution to our society. Whereas, some mothers want that in addition to having their own success—financial freedom for raising their child where he/she will not want for anything. So, I want to dive into both considering I am a single mother and have strived to achieve success in both ways.
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It is very rare for a woman to choose to be a single mother. Oftentimes, we get pregnant and we immediately begin to envision ourselves married, living in a nice home, and raising our children with the help of our husband or significant other. But sometimes things don’t always work out that way and we can feel defeated, lonely, and almost like we’re failing at both life and parenthood.
Luckily, I am a firm believer that you should not have children until you are ready and it is your choice. Also, you should not have more children than you can manage alone. My biggest fear was always that my children would outnumber my husband and me and we would be overthrown in the household. So if I felt that way with a two-parent household, imagine how I felt thinking, “What if I have to do this alone?”. With this in mind, I kept things to a minimum, and now that I am a single mother I am sure as hell glad that I did.
You have to ask yourself, what does success look like for you? Does it mean that you work long hours and become financially secure but your children raise themselves, or do you assign that duty to your eldest, therefore, messing them up in the process? Does it mean creating and building a stable home where you are present and you raise good humans?
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To be a successful single mom or mom, in general, is all about tapping into your feminine energy, and being a part of that means supporting other women and allowing them to support you. A strong support group is vital for raising children. If you are not married and have to work long hours you should want your children to be in the presence of someone you can trust—preferably a good friend who is also a mother. We do understand that this is easier said than done, but that is why knowing yourself and establishing a good support group is important for your life in general.
If you don’t have anyone who supports you, then why would you assume that your child will have support? To be a successful mom is more than just having a baby and treating them well, it’s also about treating and loving yourself first! For example, if you regularly go to church—maybe Bible study—and have developed a close relationship with God and other members of the congregation close to your age, then it’s safe to say you have a support group. This group can then translate to being your child’s support group.
You have to be careful with who you interact with as those people will have some kind of impact on your child’s upbringing. According to John Locke, “Let us then suppose the mind to be, as we say, white paper void of all characters, without ideas. How comes it to be furnished? Whence comes it by that vast store which the busy and boundless fancy of man has painted on it with an almost endless variety? Whence has it all the materials of reason and knowledge? To this, I answer, in one word, from experience.” In other words, children are a blank slate upon birth and it is their surroundings and experience that shape them into who they become later on in life.
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Successful mothers keep this in mind by making a conscious effort to be well-balanced. Instead of neglecting herself, she incorporates her wants and needs with that of her child. You cannot be a successful mother if you are not first successful in your own life, whether that is mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally.
This may sound controversial, but to raise a good human you must first be one. Take a moment to ask yourself, what have you done for yourself lately? Are you successful? What does success look and feel like to/for you? One thing I can suggest after recently giving it a try on my mandated Sunday spa day is towels from Micro Cotton. Micro Cotton creates the most luxurious and sustainable towels to make those spa days feel like heaven.
Success is in the eye of the beholder and perhaps you came to this article looking for a quick list that you can incorporate to begin seeing results right away. I hope I did not disappoint you as such was not my intention. But I do wish to give moms a bit more credit and help us all not be so hard on ourselves. You cannot pour into someone else’s cup if yours remain empty.
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