by Danielle Wright
“Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life.” – Joe Clark
While researching for this article I kept asking myself, “Who would need this advice and why?” Then it dawned on me that someone looking for information on how to get a man to respect them is someone who may struggle with having respect for themselves. You see, it all starts with you. There are five key components for having a healthy relationship: Communication, Trust, Respect, Freedom, and Boundaries.
WHAT IS RESPECT IN A RELATIONSHIP? According to Certified Relationship Coach Arnitris L. Strong, “Respect in a relationship is the safe space created by people who care about each other’s feelings and experiences, in a way that honors them both…”
WHAT IS SELF-RESPECT? Self-respect is the respect you have for yourself, while ego is your understanding of your importance. Self-respect comes first when you respect yourself and believe in yourself. And then comes your ego, which helps you realize just how important and special you are. If you have self-respect in a relationship, you’d believe you’re a worthy individual. And when you feel worthy, you’ll start to believe that you are deserving of love and respect, not just from yourself but from everyone else.
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It is important to spend as much time dating your potential partner as possible. You want to learn about his childhood, his history with women, his education, and more before you decide to be with him. If a man is not respecting you in the beginning, you cannot change him, and it could be linked to one of the aforementioned details. “Love means nothing if there’s no respect. You must feel honored in a relationship if you want to continue building and loving the person.” Relationship and Transformational Coach, Yasmin Elzomor tells us.
If the person you’re dating or are in a relationship with is disrespecting you, you can try to find out where the disrespect is coming from. Sometimes the best way to get a man to respect you is to address his needs and learn new ways to communicate. However, don’t be pushy. You can only do but so much. But you will feel better knowing that you gave it your all and were willing to try. The issue may have nothing to do with you. But you can do the following to help swing things back in a positive direction:
Show Off Your Intellect: Men like women who are smart and charismatic. Maybe he feels like you are not smarter than him and so he talks down to you or talks over you. Whatever the case, don’t be a dumb damsel. Show him that you are smart and can add value to his life. Even though we live in the 21st century, it’s still a common misconception that women aren’t as smart or capable as men.
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The HERO Instinct: While playing the damsel in distress is not necessary, you do want to show your man that you need him. Men want to feel needed. If you’re calling the repair guy or lifting those heavy boxes yourself because you’re too afraid to ask for help, this is a red flag. Men want women who are feminine and a part of standing in your femineity is being able to receive. So, ask for help.
Take Control: A decisive woman is a woman men respect. Men do not like women who conform to their likes and dislikes to impress them. A question as simple as, “What do you want to eat?” should be met with a decisive, clear, and direct answer. Do not let a man dictate everything you do, let alone, eat.
Respect Yourself: Respecting yourself means respecting your body, your time, and your needs. If you’re dating a man who asks to come over and he insists on coming past 10 pm, you have to be firm and not allow him to cross this boundary. One time, I was dating a guy who I politely asked to come by before 8 pm. He contacted me at 10:30 pm to let me know he was in the Uber and on his way. I let him know that he needs to turn the Uber around and go home. He was shocked! But he never came to my house late again.
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Simone Koger, LMFTA and Grief Counselor says, “If a man disrespects your boundary, it is time to reflect on what your limit is. For example, if the boundary that was crossed is based on miscommunication the two of you had, reflect on it. Perhaps, restating your boundary will solve the problem. If you have clearly stated your boundary, and he is ignoring or invalidating it –it is time to think about whether this relationship is serving you well. Love is not enough if it comes at a cost of your boundaries.”
WHEN RESPECT IS LOST IN A RELATIONSHIP
There are also instances where a couple has been together for months or years and the woman can begin to feel like her partner no longer respects her. This is not uncommon, but in cases like this, you have to be prepared to make some changes. We asked a few professionals to give us their take on how to get a partner to re-respect you:
Christy Piper, Author and Relationship Coach says, “You can make a man re-respect you by showing him that you won’t put up with his bad behavior. Tell him calmly what you do not like. Don’t hesitate to distance yourself from him if he shows no signs of being sorry or changing his behavior. Sometimes missing you will help him realize how much he actually appreciates you.”
Amelia Prinn says, “The only way to make a man re-respect you is to show him that you respect yourself. How will you do that? By having your own principles and strict boundaries. So, if a man disrespects you, your first task is to let him know about it and make him think about his behavior. That way you’ll let him know he ought to respect you and that he will not have many second chances. Once a man realizes all of that, he will re-respect you,” Amelia also mentions, “The thing is, men respect women who are not afraid to speak their minds and stand up for themselves. Such women are powerful, rare, and simply too valuable to be lost. A man will always re-respect a woman who respects herself and who knows what she brings to the table.”
“We can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do. He is an adult who is fully capable of making his own decisions. It is possible that the disrespect was unintentional. In that case, his apology would be followed up with a change in behavior” Strong added.
If all else fails and you do not see any progress, then it maybe time to close that chapter and take some time for yourself. “When you start to feel resentful and the desire to work on the relationship ends, that is your sign to leave and find someone else that is more compatible and understands you on a deeper level,” Yasmin says.
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