by Patrick Holmes, Licensed Professional Counselor
Whether you’re in a relationship with this man or you’re in no contact, there are always signs that a man will exhibit when he feels you pulling away—this can be energetically or physically. The same can be said if the tables were turned. Men are not taught to show their emotions, notice I said show, not [have].
Men know that it is perfectly okay for them to have emotions. However, most of the time it’s hard to know exactly how a man is feeling at any given point in time unless he says so verbatim. In today’s article, I am going to address both scenarios so you have a solution no matter what your situation.
YOU ARE IN NO CONTACT
Let’s say you’re relationship ended a few months ago and you’re wondering if your ex still misses you or if he thinks he’s lost you. This is hard to measure because during no contact you are not supposed to ask about them—if you share mutual friends, no stalking of their social media accounts, no texting, calling, or trying to bump into them by accident.
So, how can you possibly know? Well, the truth is, you can’t. Men have emotions but will not show them during this time, especially if they don’t feel the outcome will yield positive results. For example, even if your ex misses you during no contact he may not reach out for fear of you rejecting him. So, you see, unless he overcomes that fear you may never know how he truly feels.
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No contact is not for him, it’s for you. You want to live your life as if no one is watching. Pour into yourself. When you’ve pulled away energetically he will feel this. At that point, he may begin to watch your socials and if you’re still pining over him he is not going to feel the regret of losing you. He will simply continue to feel empowered and go about his life without you in it.
You have to work on becoming a new and improved version of yourself. Sometimes a person is removed from our lives to help us get back to the person we used to be. Perhaps you were too entangled in the relationship and your partner felt smothered or like you would never leave, well, you have to prove them wrong.
Men like a challenge—nice women do finish last because no one wants a pushover (not even you). We want women who can stand up for themselves and are not afraid of losing us. Even if you are terrified, he must never know or feel that from you energetically. Call your power back and start living life like it’s golden. Once he feels you’re moving on without him is the faster he will overcome his fears of reaching out and risking rejection.
Why? The same reason a man will approach a woman he does not know and risk rejection—it’s new territory. The chase starts over because you’re not the same woman from before. However, if you revert to being the same woman from before, then the outcome will be the same. He will leave, treat you poorly, and then you’ll find yourself healing all over again.
That is why it is important to know that no contact is for you. If you’re changing only to win your ex back, if he comes back and you go back to being in your masculine energy or letting yourself go or not having a backbone and being too available, he will revert to his old way of doing things, too.
Related articles: Does the No Contact Rule Work if You Were Dumped?
SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR:
He Starts Trying To Contact You – if you see the ‘no caller ID’ show up on your phone, it could be him. Recently, we’ve learned that ‘no called ID’ means the person’s phone number is saved in your contacts but they have blocked their number to reach out. ‘Unknown Caller’ means this person blocked their number intentionally but they are not saved in your contacts.
Social Media Stalking – This is a big one especially since this whole thing has been going on with bots watching and liking stories. People now believe it’s an ex stalking your account. This can or cannot be true. But just know that as a man, we’re always watching and waiting. Maybe it’s because we want to come back or it’s because we want to make sure you’re not happy.
Immature men want to believe they weren’t the problem, it helps to avoid taking accountability. On the contrary, we want to use your social media as a way of getting to know you—your likes, and dislikes. Don’t be surprised if you’ve posted a song or your favorite wine and then he plays it in the car or surprise, he has your favorite wine post no contact. He’s done his homework on you.
YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP
Let’s say you’re in a relationship and you’re not happy. Perhaps he’s stopped buying you roses, he’s stopped doing the little things and you’re beginning to check out emotionally. Again, this is something men can feel. If he’s into you and not just pulling back his energy in hopes that you’ll leave because he’s too much of a coward to end things on his own—then, it’s likely that he doesn’t realize this is happening.
Yes, men will stay in a relationship and purposefully not give you anything, stop taking you on dates, and begin treating you poorly in hopes that you will leave so he does not have to be seen as the bad guy. To test this, you want to advocate for yourself [once]. Tell him that something he used to do to make you happy is lacking and watch his actions. If he makes excuses, leave him right there, without a second thought. If he fixes it, immediately—within reason—then, you have your answer. He is trying to save the relationship.
In this case, you aren’t looking for signs he’s losing you, you’re looking for signs a guy knows he messed up with you.
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He Starts Asking About You – He may start speaking to your parents or your siblings and asking them little things to know more about you or ways to surprise you. If he isn’t getting answers from you, he’s going to try to get them from the people that know you.
Promise To Change – This one is a no-brainer. Actions, actions, actions. If he changes his behavior for you then he is trying to right his wrongs and we believe you should allow him the space to do so.
Making Changes – A person that knows his relationship is worth saving is going to do what he can to keep things from going south. No man wants to lose his woman. Contrary to popular belief, a man who is in love will not risk his relationship. He will not want to take space and time, go no contact, have you leave for him to learn his lesson, no. He will make the changes immediately to avoid you leaving him.
If a man is comfortable with you walking away then he has already made his mind up about the relationship and will most likely not return, especially if he’s calm about it and in agreement with you leaving. Do not think these types of endings will reconcile after a period of no contact. Men like that are not returning.
There you have it. We wish you well and as always, be sure to like, comment or share.
Special expert contribution by Lisa K. Stephenson, Author & Relationship Coach
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