by Angela Harrington
I remember flipping through the pages of “Late Bloomer” by Lisa K. Stephenson last summer on my 26th birthday and thinking, “Wow, this girl is just like me, a mess.” At that point, I desired a serious relationship but had no experience or clue on approaching guys.
Noel is the same, wanting to meet nice men and embark on a journey. The men she encounters are rich, handsome, like a Black version of Carrie Bradshaw. As the story unfolds, love finds its way, and I too am in love. Meeting his parents and hoping for their support becomes a new realization.
Well, here I am two years into the relationship and like Noel, I am just a ball of nerves. We never really factor in how important it is to make a good impression on a guy’s mom until, well, you have to do it. The relationship between son and mother is an interesting one. There are so many dynamics to consider, especially if she is a single mom. Recently, I came across an article that describes emotional incest. Emotional incest or covert incest is when a mother treats their son as if he were her husband. Yuck!
Most of the time if this is the case there is nothing you can do as a woman to win over his mom. Her mind is already made up about you because she is enamored by her son and fears you will take him away from her. Sorry, but in this case, it does not matter what you gift her or bring to the table, she is already made up her mind against you.
Now, let’s say you’re dating a man who comes from a two-parent household. This is a healthy dynamic and one you should strive to be apart of. Men who are raised with both their mother and father have a better idea of their role in the household—masculine versus feminine energy. In this case, you don’t want to overthink the gift-giving.
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First, it’s important to ask him questions about both of his parents—what does his mother enjoy doing in her spare time? If she is someone who knits or crochets, then think about getting her a gift card to an arts and crafts store like Michaels. Otherwise, some flowers will do.
I am a firm believer that you should never show up anywhere empty-handed. Always bring something, even if it’s a card when you’re having a gift delivered. Sure, your boyfriend may discourage you from bringing anything at all, but the important thing is that you follow your heart. Not to mention, the glow and surprised look on his parent’s faces will leave a positive impression on him as well.
A good man wants to see all of the women in his life happy, smiling, and getting along—his girlfriend, daughter, mother, and sister (sometimes). All of the women in his life are important to him. Now, if you’re meeting a man who was raised by his mother only and they are normal aka she respects him as her son and nothing more, then consider the following:
All of these little gifts appear simple enough, but you cannot lose with any of them!
I had a friend who around the holidays she was scheduled to spend Christmas Eve with her boyfriend’s parents. She was panicking because she was unemployed at the time and feared that if she showed up empty handed it would leave a bad impression on the family. I told her to create a FeetFinder account, make some quick cash and buy them a fruit basket from Edible Arrangements.
It sounds strange, but yes, there are quick and easy ways to make money online and remain anonymous while doing it. She thanked me profusely because they loved the fruits and she felt welcomed by them which ultimately made her relationship stronger.
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WHAT DOES MEETING THE PARENTS MEAN?
I do not believe as women we should see meeting the parents as the best thing to happen to our relationship. I’ve heard stories from friends who met the parents and the moms knew the son was cheating and did not tell my friend anything. I’ve also heard stories where the parents smiled in my friend’s face, but behind her back told their son they wanted him to marry someone from their culture. It does happen and sadly more often than not.
See this moment as just that, a moment in time for you to be present and take it all in. What happens after is not your concern—if they like you, great. If not, understandable. But always remember, those are his family members and their loyalty does not lie with you. As a girlfriend you are not a wife, therefore, you’re still technically a stranger. Do not take it personally. Be yourself, smile, and show them that you’re capable of holding your own and having a good conversation. Also, don’t be afraid to let it be known just how much you love their son.
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One thing is for sure, do not go overboard with the gift-giving. You may find yourself making a lucrative income from FeetFinder or your career, but you don’t want it to seem obvious that you’re trying to impress them. Take your time, follow your heart, and the more you visit, the better your gifts can get. That’s my plan, anyway.
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